last time, when I was working for people, I don’t flinch at all if I felt I m about to lose a client.
when I first started my own business, it felt ok that client come n go.
but today, when I learnt that a client of mine that i serviced for a year plus, decided to cut me off, and I can’t do anything about it, hurts.
i feel sad. very sad. not that this client of mine gives big project, or I earn alot from the project, it felt more like I am being dumped actually.
while i am typing this, automatically i reflected what had happened to me this year.
this year has not been a very good year for me. my relationship of 4yrs didn’t turn out well either. my ex cheated on me again for the 3rd time. we were on the verge of buying a place together, making plans to live together, build family together, but he just decided to stick his cock at someone else’s cunt. i didnt have the energy anymore to fight for the relationship…i decided to let him go…but even though I asked him to leave, I cried for a month. to me then, he crushed everything I hoped for..
the emotions turbulent that i felt influenced my work life. I lost 1 client then, for my out of focus job done. it was my fault. I was embarrass.
I tell myself I should buckle up and move on, despite the pain I feel. and make the best out of what’s left of the year.
4 months plus later, this client of mine decided to pull the plug..
even though they claimed working with me was great, and the factor was about the money, I was still devastated. I have no chance to counter offer. no chance to defend.
it’s very sad that now, people look at the cheapest rate to deal. it’s no longer how good you are, but how cheap u can go.
what premium class u giving? not related anymore. it’s just sad.
I looked at the sky tonight. it was very clear. the moon was shining brightly with the obedient stars. despite the few weeks of rain falling, today was the clearest night for a long time. I sighed.
“God, why are these happening to me? you do have something better installed for me right? something much better?”
I tried to look for hope in the darkness I felt now. at times I do feel like giving up. give up on everything. but I know, I have to persevere on.
it’s nothing, right? better ones are coming, right?
I hope so. really hope so…
