I havent been blogging since last August. Yeah. It’s that long. But it sure didnt feel like it. Time flies so fast that at times, I wonder if I am still in a dream?
Since August, I closed the biggest deal for my company. It was the most happiest moment then, (who wouldnt? when one closed the biggest project of the company). But little did I know, because of my mismanagement, the problem starts little by little. It is now 2 months after the project ended. And I am having difficulities to collect the balance payment. Alot says, I can forget about it, some says, let’s hope for the best. I still want to think positive at the moment. Tomorrow is the meeting with the client. I hope it does went well and I am able to retrieve whatever I can from that company.
That’s one issue that has been bugging me everyday without fail. No matter how much I tell myself that, business must go on, it is still at the back of my head, popping up whenever it can. I am lucky that I have friends around me that are supportive, that are willing to go beyond the miles to help me, to support me. I am grateful. I am also lucky to have a boyfriend that is there for me whenever he can.
But that’s another issue.
I felt I have neglected him and denied his duty as a good boyfriend. Imagine, I didnt tell him my biggest problem on collecting money, and he found out. He felt he had let me down. He felt like a failure. For I didnt go to him when there’s problem, for I didnt consult him, nor discuss with him, when we were talking about having lifes together.
I felt, I have let him down.
It was a painful moment for both of us. Just because I chose not to burden him with my stress, and keep him hidden from it while I try to find my way to negotiate the matter. Just because I felt he has too much on his shoulder, and I wouldnt want to add on another one to make him worry.
I am afterall, the person that he worries most. And now..I felt I have let him down.
New Year of 2010 has already begun. Entering the 2nd month of the year, comparing what I was last year, I think I didnt change much. Eventhough I thought I changed. But no. I am still the same. Sad to say.
I suppose he’s right. If I do not negotiate myself and identify what’s in me that fail me, that constantly drive me against the wall, I am to lose everything; my business, my life, and him.
The thing is.. I am lost…
