The gathering last saturday went well. There were about 10 of our friends turn up. A small one. Eventhough we mentioned finger food only, I know most of them will come with empty stomach. No matter how much boy stressed that “THEY WILL HAVE DINNER BEFORE THEY COME”, I keep thinking that, there may not be enough food! I end up making 2 fillings in the morning, (tuna+corn mayo and egg mayo) to go along with the table biscuits, bought some cocktail hotdogs, and added few more fruits for the rojak. I thought I was thoughtful enough. Little did I know, that evening, 2 hours before guests arrival, Boy went berserk that I bought “Too many” food. We were actually running out of time to finish preparing them, and there he is, taking every opportunities to scold and belittled me. It hurts every seconds. And it’s frustrating too. There I was, trying to finish up, there he is showing me faces and saying that I am not competence enough, and sucks as a host! Oh..best part is, he scolded himself for choosing wrongly (me!)!!! It amazed me things that he said when he’s angry (or when things does not go according to his expectation. And he always say, it’s not his expectation we are talking about.) And guess what? most of the guests really come empty stomach!
I know he meant well, but I really hated the way he say his thoughts. He just give me the impression that what he has to say are all negative stuff. And that makes me just want to shut my functioning ears for awhile. I am still learning how to handle him properly. At times, I dont know what to do in fear that what I choose to do, will make him go berserk again. And when I end up doing something, it always makes him feel I am incapable. Which is self destructing actually.
I somehow felt that it’s me whom drive him till like that. At times, I felt it’s just him who likes to pick on other’s fault and say “I told you so!”. I remember reading somewhere that having the attitude or any sorts of gestures of “I told you so!” is actually not healthy. It’s only to show how superior you want to be to the other person, which does not even help on the situation. I dont know how to tell him this. He always thinks that I want to “win” in all arguement, or I was stubborn to “change”, which, I felt, I dont understand. I? Stubborn? Maybe. to certain extend. I think I am the most patience person on earth (ok, not the most patience person..maybe a patience person.*haha*). Enduring all the negative words that he throws at me at time to time. I wanted to raise the red flag. But I know what he will say if I tell him. (he’s going to say that I only know how to think that he scold me, and not think of how to be better. OR..he’s going to say that he’s given up and dont know how long he will be able to “hold” the relationship..or some other hurtful words that stings my heart).
I felt that the relationship has gone sideways. Is it really me that steer the relationship off track?
How and what should I do to create a better impression?
