It’s ironic how each of us require another person to point out blank our flaws and weaknesses when we know what to say to another when the person is in the same situation. It happened to me today, again. Sad to say, it has been repeating almost every month now. It does makes me wonder, am I really that screwed?

Deep in my heart, I’ve always known that I must do something about it. About me. Myself. To be more consistant, and on time. I had been everywhere recently. And it does not show good impression, nor helped on my “image”.

What he said about me is so true. I had been disorganized, lack of dicipline, and I seriously required to do more thinking of what I am supposed to do to improve myself better to be me, a girlfriend, a sister and a friend. I had been taking things for granted, hiding every comfort corner I could find, ignoring every facts that, I am tumbling down, deeper in my own dugged up hole.

I know it hurts him to see me like this. It is not his way. The more dependent a person is (especially his loved ones), the more worked out he become. I should have known this better. But till today, I had been ignoring every obstacles I can,  taking every single chance to be “comfortable” without realizing how deeply hurt and worn out he has become.

It is purely my fault if I lost him. I know I cant bear that. I know I must do something about this. But I must make sure that I do it not because I want to save the relationship, but to kick in the right attitude, replacing the old ones. It has always been for my own good. Deja vu. I think I heard that line before.

Maybe, it has always been me. No. Correction. It has always been me. I must have been too self centred that I couldnt see it clearly. I must kick in some emphathy, sensitivity towards others, and think more of us, than me,myself and I. I cannot be ignorant anymore.

No matter how his words stings, I know one day, he will stop saying those and began to appreciate us more.

I aim for that day.