I thought the “war” has ended. I thought we were happy again. I thought it was cleared.

But no. It did not end there. It just made him bury it within himself. Carving each and every word I said to him before into his skull.

It just have to happen again today. It happen over skype, and then over the phone like part 2. He was repeating what I said to him before to me. Even before I said anything. The only thing I thought was good was that I am outside of the country alone. And he wont be able to see me cry like a helpless person….

“I told you so many times about this. We are basically argueing the same thing over and over again. You just dont listen, dont you? You just think that I am out to get you? WHY would I do that? It does not benefit me, you know? I only share with you what I think, and you think that I want you to do what I think is right. Isnt that what you are thinking now?”

He keep saying it again and again, when what I said was only “OK”, “I understand”, “Yes, I agree”. And I think because of my monosyllabus answer, he became more and more “creative” with his words to me. Sarcasm was in his dictionary anyway…

He has planted in him what I used to say to him when we argued the last time. No matter how I change my way to make the situation better is no longer usable. It hurts like hell. The worst is, I know what he meant, but he thinks I dont anymore.

No, that’s not the worst yet. The worst is, he thinks that he feels what my ex was feeling. And he thinks that the problem is me. And the reason why my ex emotionally abused me and took me for granted is because of me.

It hurts like hell when those words came from him. It hurts like hell feeling that he is slowly giving up on me. It hurts like hell knowing I cannot do anything to save it anymore.

For afterall, he is one strongminded person. And he has already planted those thoughts and firm with it.

I dont know what to do anymore… seriously…dont know what to do anymore to save it..

It hurts hell that it is like this. Help me. I am drowning in my own sadness that I think I am heading towards depression.

It doesnt help to feel down like this…doesnt help…..