My heart ache like hell now. Feels like a million of knives stab right thru it. I think I made a big mistake today. I should have told him earlier that the designer we are meeting is my ex’s brother. I meant good. It was all about business. But I forgot to analize the whole situation. I should have just told him. Eventhough I think that it is just business. Guess they are right all the while. Business is personal. And everything about business is personal. You are lying if it is not personal.

After what had happen, I seriously don’t know what to do anymore. He said things like “ I feel so stupid”.
I said things like: “ I am sorry I made you feel stupid”
And then he replied with: “No, its not you who make me feel so stupid. I guess I have to live with it. I chose you, I have to take up this as part of it. If I cannot take it anymore, I have to let go”

It hurts hell when he said that. “Are you threatening me?”

“No. I am not.”

“ I am sorry that after you chose me, you took up this relationship, you feel stupid”

“No. It is not that I chose you that’s why I feel stupid. . . “

It was plain obvious. I was feeling low. He was feeling angry. Whatever he said hurts. Whatever I hear from him stings. And whatever I said, does not make any sense to him anymore. He has planted a conclusion that I cannot live without my ex. Or whatever that’s close to that. How to explain to him? I guess my actions doesn’t convince him anymore. Whatever I am to say is useless. What he perceive speaks louder than words.

It is sticky situation, I know. I know from the beginning that he is not happy that I am working with my ex. HE thinks I am being used. He thinks I am being stepped on. And as a boyfriend, he thinks he should protect me, and feeling angry towards this sticky situation is what he thinks he should be feeling.

“Maybe I should not feel so angry about it anymore. Anyway, it’s your life. You chose to eat the curry knowing that you’ll get sick after eating it. What else can anybody else do, right?”

His sarcasm stings.

I want to cry out loud. It seriously hurts like hell. I don’t know how to deal anymore.

How to make him understand that I need that money. Like I have a lot of money in the bank to sustain for another month or two. It is not easy to build a company. And I am running out of cash.

To him it is, “As long as you don’t break free from him, you will never grow. It will always about his company’s projects or job. And when are you going to grow the company of yours? If that’s the case, why do you even need to spend that few thousands to create this company?”

It hurts hell because he lost hope in me.
That’s the worst thing to happen. He lost hope.