Just when you thought you could move on better. And suddenly it struck you that, yeah, you hate him to the guts, yet dont have the heart to really hate him.

You think, maybe by saying out loud to him will make you feel better. Thus, the conversation strikes. He pretended nothing happen. He sounded jolly and happy. You hate it so much that he is jovial.  Finally, you blurt it out to him. Expressing your dissapointment in a “professional” way. Somehow, when you think back, you know each words from you will sting the person who is reading it. And you thought “There. I said it.I am so relieved” From his facial expression, you knew he was hurt. You smiled. 

But seconds later, just when you thought you feel better, you feel worst. Just when you thought, by doing this, you are putting it behind, it somehow blinds you as well. All of sudden, you dont know what to do anymore. Did you just do the right thing? Is this making sense now?

One minute, it all make sense that by expressing right to his face will make you feel better.

Another, it makes you all messed up eventhough you had expressed it.

Should have just listen to my head and keep the hell shut.