I have been roaming around aimlessly for the past few years. Not knowing what I should be doing. What is right, what is wrong.  We all have ups and downs everyday. Some chose to live by the day. Some aim for higher. Others, live to survive.

There’s a proverb saying, Life starts at 40. I didnt realize how meaningful this sentence means, until it hit me one day. When we are young, we never thought how we want us to be when we hit 20. When we hit 20, we were still trying out new stuff, trying to be smart, trying to impress others that we are one hell of an intelligent human being on earth. Then, it was all about then. Never future. What happen when we hit 40? What will happen to us then?

We were asked to dream since we were young. Dream of what you want in the future. “Tell us what would you want to be when you are older”,said my primary school teacher when I was just 7 years old. “Doctor”.”Lawyer”.”Fireman”.”Teacher”.”Policeman”.etc.

Then by the time we were much older, when we are posted with the same question, our replies differ. “Architect”.”Vet”.”Graphic Designer”.”Businessman”.”Engineer”.

We were told to dream hard. And make it happen. How many of us actually do that? But I know all of us wish for our dreams to happen. But most of us didnt make it to the path that we dreamt.

I for one, dreamt to be a lawyer when I was 7. Wanted to be an architect when I was 14. And when I reaches 19, my life made a big switch. When I was offered a job in an international corporate company at 19, I chose to work against going to the University. Then, I was thinking – “hell. I have no money to study. Why wanna burden my next 20 years with study loan that does not promise me a good future?” I didnt thought of pursueing to become an architect. 6 years of studies is just too much burden for me with my family background. My parents was earning only decent RM2k (USD 530only) to feed the family of 6. I was the eldest. I have 3 more brothers and sister below me.

My real journey starts. I started earning part time money when I was 15. But I spent my first salary on junk food that I never get hold of when I was younger. Haha. The feeling of pushing a trolley of junk food just, amazing. Despite the lecture I had gotten from my ma after that.

Eventhough I had eaten alot of salt and rice for the past 25 years, I am sad to say that I still feel lost and hungry. I dont know why I feel lost, when I already know what I want. Maybe because, “What I want, I want it NOW”, makes me weak and unmotivated at times. I should slow down and not rush things. (But not too slow).

There are tons of things to be learnt now. One thing that I have to remember:

I AM BETTER THAN I THINK

Like Dolly Kee says:

THOUGHTS -> WORDS -> ACTIONS -> HABIT -> CHARACTER -> DESTINY

Thinking alone is not enough. We have to generate it into habit and built our character to reach our destiny.